When Your "Daily Bread" isn't Bread

My husband and I have been blessed with two children who have taught us more than we could ever teach them.  Our son, Jackson, was born to us 11 years ago and our daughter, Gracie, came to us through the foster care system 7 years ago.  At some point, I would love to share more about our adoption process but today it's on my heart to share a lesson I learned in the waiting.  There's always so much to be learned in the waiting, isn't there?

When God called us to be foster parents, I knew it would be difficult but I never imagined the mix of emotions that would pour over me from day to day as I held the precious girl God had put in our hearts years earlier.  You see, when you agree to foster a child in your home, you often don't know if you will have them for days, months, years or like in our case, be able to adopt them into your family at some point down the road.  From the first time I held Gracie in my arms, there was an undercurrent of peace in my heart that she would always be a member of our family, but often what rose to the surface were waves of fear; fear that I might be misunderstanding God or inserting my own desires to keep her, fear that I would love her with all I had only to have her leave, taking my heart with her as she went.

It was during one of these fearful moments when I was on my front porch literally crying out loud to God that I learned a definition of "daily bread" I'd never considered before.  I had been telling the Lord I didn't think I could love this child with abandon like I'd planned because it would simply hurt too bad if she was unable to stay with us.  I desired to do something life-changing for someone else, but in these moments, all I could think about was myself.  As I cried, I heard Him tell me that she deserved to be loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally because we might be the only ones who would ever give her such love.  Every child deserves to be loved so deeply.  It's a vital step towards being able to accept God's perfect love.  He also reminded me that Jackson wasn't mine any more than Gracie and that both their futures were in His hands.  He showed me that if Gracie left, I would still have a husband and a child who loved me.  I would still have a roof over my head and a relationship with Him, but Gracie might not have any of those things.  In that moment, I committed to love her with all I had while I had her but I also knew I wasn't capable of doing so on my own. 

From that day forward, I met Jesus on my porch each and every morning while my babies still slept.  Each day, I arrived fearful and spent but left hopeful and filled.  I had always taken the "daily bread" portion of the Lord's Prayer for granted because I had no real understanding of what it meant to trust God for my next meal.  But what happened in that year and a half of waiting changed how I saw "daily bread" forever.  I now feel it can be anything you are completely reliant on Christ for (which shouldn't that be everything?).  For me, it was "Lord, give me this day my daily portion of unconditional love for Gracie." Your "daily bread" may be strength to care for a loved one, money to keep your business open another day, patience with a child who is testing you, love for someone who isn't acting very lovely, etc.  We often just want the problem to go away or have so much excess that we don't have to worry, but there is something so special about relying on the Lord for that daily portion.  I'm reminded of the Israelites in the wilderness.  God could easily have chosen to grant them food that would never spoil and warehouses stockpiled with whatever they could need, but He chose to supply them with one days worth of manna at a time so they would learn to trust and rely on Him.  I can't promise you mammoth amounts of manna but I can promise you that God will supply all your needs day by day.  He will be your portion and He will never fail to equip you for what He's called you to do.