The one thing I neglected to do as a mom

"Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:12 

Being a mom is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  And being a "good" mom?  Well, that's as illusive as chasing the end of a rainbow.  It's the only job where the skill requirements change from moment to moment so you can never master them.  So, what do I do?  What any Type A mom would do...I consult my good mom checklist:

ü      provide home-cooked meals (I even wear an apron which I think deserves bonus points)

ü      help with homework and volunteer at school

ü      pray with the kids and teach them about Jesus

ü      instill good manners (work in progress)

ü      teach them to be a good friend and stand up for others

ü      cart them around in the Mom Mobile to baseball, soccer and tumbling

ü      always have cookies in the cookie jar

ü      pray for them

My goal is to be June Cleaver but cooler.  You know, I'm an expert stain remover but I can also do the Nae Nae.  I thought my list covered all the biggies but this morning I realized it was missing the most important thing of all!

Give my kids to God!

This realization stung a little.  It's a lesson I should have learned the last time God showed it to me, but I can be a tad bit stubborn (hmmm, wonder if that's where my kids get it from?  Nah, must be the hubby's fault).  We adopted our youngest through the foster care system.  It's a process that often requires long waits of not knowing if you will have the child for another week, month or forever.  During this time with our daughter, God showed me that our oldest was no more "ours" simply because he was born to us than the child we longed to adopt.  Both of their futures were in God's hands, not ours.  Our children belong to the Lord.  Yes, He's entrusted us to help raise them with Him, but they are His!

If they belong to Him already, how can we "give them back" to Him?  I think it's a matter of simply acknowledging before the Lord that they belong to Him.  We see this in Genesis 22:1-12 where Abraham is asked to sacrifice his only son, Isaac.  It's a beautiful foretelling of how God would one day sacrifice His only son to save us but also an example of entrusting everything we have to the Lord's will, especially our children. By placing the child he'd waited 25 years to hold on the altar, Abraham is giving him back to God. 

What happens when you give them back to God?  Honestly, at first it was a little scary.  I like having control and this was completely relinquishing it.  Of course, I never really had control to begin with, but I had fooled myself into the comfort of thinking I did.  After that brief moment of fear came peace!  After all, who's a better person to care for my kids than the One who made them?  As hard as it is to imagine, God loves them even more than I do.  He wants what's best for them and can provide it.  I think the One who controls the seas can control my kids' futures just fine.  With that peace, also came relief.  Now I know it's not all on my husband and I to parent, we are partnered with the best Daddy that's ever been!

Let's pray together ~

Lord, letting go of my children is scary.  Somehow, all the worry and effort makes me feel like I have control.  Like if I do everything just right, no harm will come to them and they'll always choose to make right decisions.  I realize that worrying won't accomplish anything but trusting you will.  I know my children don't belong to me; they are yours, Father.  Thank you for trusting me to raise them with you.  Though they have always been and always will be yours, I give them back to you just as Abraham did with Isaac.  I trust you with their hearts, their futures and with their very lives.  Thank you for loving them even more than I do.  I know they are in good hands!

ü      Give my kids to God

For more information on how I handled the adoption process, check out my post http://inthewrightdirection.blogspot.com/2013/10/when-your-daily-bread-isnt-bread.html

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14

Let's be bold enough to be who God created us to be. There's only one of you and one of a kinds are much more valuable!  

The UGLY truth behind why I didn't WANT to forgive them

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  Colossians 3:13

Yep, you read the title correctly... I didn't want to forgive the person who hurt me.  I thought I did.  In fact, I begged God to help me forgive them and let it go.  I didn't like the way the bitterness of unforgiveness tasted in my life and I didn't like the distance that it caused between God and I.  I asked God,

"Why am I having such a hard time healing from this?"

After all, if you read my last post, "Forgiveness isn't always a one time decision," you know I thought it should be a piece of cake.  Well let me warn you right now, don't ever ask God for an answer if you don't want to hear what He has to say because He will answer you.  My answer came while I was reading my Bible (amazing what you learn when you actually make time for God, huh?).   I thought I was safe because I wasn't even reading about forgiveness.  I was reading in John chapter 5 about the paralytic by the healing waters of Bethesda.  When Jesus asked the man "do you want to be made well," it was if He was speaking directly to me.  I thought, "Of course I do, that's what I've been praying for."

But when I sat still and listened to what God was telling me, I realized I really didn't want to be healed.  I was like the proverbial monkey that sticks his hand in a small hole to retrieve a piece of fruit and remains trapped because he's unwilling to release his grip.  I wanted the benefits that come with forgiving someone; a restored relationship with Christ and to be free of that icky feeling that hangs around, but I didn't want to let go so I remained stuck.  So, then came my next question,

Why won't I let it go and forgive?

Guess what?  That answer came while I was reading my Bible again a few days later.  This time it was Luke 17:3-5, "If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.   Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.  The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith!'  I have never noticed the connection between these two verses but God made sure I did that day.  When told they should forgive someone over and over, the apostles said, "Lord, increase our faith."  We need faith to forgive!

 

Why wasn't I trusting God with this situation?

The answer was an ugly one.  I was afraid God would let them get away with how they'd treated me.  They had hurt me and I wanted justice.  I'm not sure what I expect God to do...turn them into a pillar of salt? Smote them?  Cause them to stump their toe in the middle of the night and tell them, "booyah, that was for Kathy?"  I don't even know what it means to be smoted but it doesn't sound good at all!  I sure don't want to be smoted when I mess up but I was perfectly fine with it happening to them.  Told you the truth was ugly.

That ugly truth made me ugly on the inside for a while.  Like I said in my last post, healing took time.  It took allowing God to change me.  I had to focus on the log in my own eye rather than glaring at the other person.  I don't care much about seeking justice any more.  I've realized I'm not a very good judge and I've got too much of my own stuff to work on to worry about what God is doing with someone else.  Plus, I finally realized it's none of my business.  God is good to me.  I've been forgiven far more than I could ever deserve. I need every ounce of grace God freely extends my way and so do they. 

P.S. - I looked up the word "smote," and it means to strike or hit hard with the hand, a stick, or other weapon."  And the past tense is "smit," but I don't like that as much and since it's my blog, I'm leaving it as "smoted."

Forgiveness isn't always a one time decision...it's often a process

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32 

I've never thought of myself as being an unforgiving person.  In fact, I've forgiven something so horrible I thought any future wrongs would be a piece of cake to forgive.  You know, like once you've climbed Everest, walking up the hill at the entrance to your neighborhood shouldn't be a big deal.

So, why was this particular hill such a big deal?

1. I was still on the hill.  I've learned it's one thing to forgive a past hurt and a whole other story to forgive in the middle of the hurt.

2. They weren't sorry.  Not one little bit.  But that's fine, we forgive because that's what our Daddy tells us to do.   And our Daddy tells us to forgive because that's what's best for us.  You've heard it, you know it...unforgiveness eats you up but does nothing to the other person. 

3. I may have taken a few (dozen) pity-party stops along the way which made the journey take longer than necessary.  I'm learning this is a complete waste of time and the sooner I can put on my big girl undies and take God by the hand, the sooner we can get to the good stuff.

4. I needed time...and that's okay!  Time truly does heal and with that healing comes perspective.  

Growing up, I both loathed and loved my summer camp's annual climb to the top of a nearby mountain.  The climb was difficult at times and made up of unsure steps and usually a fall or two.  Probably the worst part was not being able to see an end in sight until you emerged at the top of the tree line.  But when you finally made it to the top, you could look back, see how far you'd come and know it was worth it!

Thankfully, this situation ended much the same way.  I was able to forgive and more than that, I grew in the process.  I know it's hard to believe, but I actually had things I needed to work on and this helped me see that.  Forgiveness isn't always a one time decision, especially in an ongoing situation.  Sometimes, it's a process you simply have to take step by step with God until you can look back and know it was worth it.  I would never have chosen to be hurt and never have willingly put myself in an uncomfortable situation but when I look back on how much I've grown, I'm almost thankful the person hurt me.  Seriously! 

Unfortunately, we are all going to have hills we have to climb, all have hurts to forgive.   But when we do it with God, it's doable.  It's true..."God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

Christian Resolution Solution

"See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

There's just something special about anything new...that new car smell, the softness of a newborn's skin, the first signs of Spring.  New means clean and fresh and brings with it the excitement of possibilities.  That's why one of my favorite things about God is that He is a god of new beginnings.  In the beginning, He created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1) and ever since He's been giving those who turn to Him a new life.  Ezekiel 36:26 says, "And I will give you a new heart and a new spirit I will put within you."  2 Corinthians 5:17 promises that if we are in Christ, we are a new creature and Lamentations 3:22-23 tells that His mercies are new each morning.  Isn't that exciting!

With the new year approaching, I've been thinking about new beginnings and trying to decide if I want to commit to a resolution.  Now, you and I both know there's nothing magical about the start of a new year any more than the start of a new day or week, but there's nothing wrong with starting off 2015 with a Christ-centered goal.  In fact, I think it's wise for us to look back at how we've grown more like Christ over the past year and pinpoint areas that could use a little improvement.  After all, we receive grades in school and evaluations at work so why shouldn't we take the most important area of our life just as seriously?

Pray About it!

We should take the time to sit with God and ask Him what He would like for us to do or change.  Maybe it's to set aside a daily quiet time to read our Bible and pray?  Maybe it's to work on a specific issue like a bad attitude or quick tongue?  To be more disciplined with our thoughts?  To forgive?  Maybe we could study and work on the fruits of the spirit one by one?

Commit to it!

Whatever it is, we need to write it down and put it where we can see it each morning. We can study to see what God's Word says about it and consider getting a Bible study on the topic.  Let's set goals and celebrate reaching them.  Maybe even ask someone to be our accountability partner?

See it through!

Let's refuse to give up and instead strive for the prize (Philippians 3:13-14)!  Replacing old habits with new ones will take time but if we pray for guidance throughout the day instead of relying on our own willpower, no habit will be too hard to break.  Unlike resolutions made on our own, we have the assurance that when we seek to do God's will for our lives, He will help us.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

Let's do this!  I want to look back at 2015 and know I'm more like Jesus!

Managing Your Emotions Part 3: Emotions Are Good!

The last two posts have discussed why it's a bad idea to be led by our emotions and why it's so hard not to be.  Parts 1 and 2 are on the right side of the page if you would like to read them.

Honestly, emotions have cost me quite a lot through the years; relationships, tears, integrity, sleepless nights and most of all, peace.  I've often wished I could just flip a switch and turn them off forever but nope, they are as constant as the color of my eyes.

Why, oh why would God give us emotions if they are capable of causing us so much trouble?  Genesis 1:27 says that we are created in His image so that means God has emotions too. 

• Anger - Psalm 7:11, Ezra 5:13, Exodus 22:24, Deuteronomy 9:22, Romans 1:18
• Laughter - Psalm 2:4 & 37:13,  Proverbs 1:26  (I can't wait to hear God laugh!)
• Compassion - Psalm 103:13 & 135:14, Ezekiel 33:19
• Grief - Genesis 6:6, Psalm 78:40, Isaiah 68:10
• Love - Jeremiah 31:3, John 3:16, 1 John 4:8
• Jealousy - Exodus 20:5 & 34:14, Joshua 24:19
• Joy - Jeremiah 32:41, Zephaniah 3:17, Isaiah 62:5 

Isn't it comforting to know that our King not only knows WHAT we are feeling but HOW we are feeling as well?  That's what makes Him relatable which enables us to have a trusting relationship with Him.  Emotions are also what make us relatable to others we need to reach for Christ.  Our sympathy leads to forgiveness, our compassion to giving, our love to sharing Jesus, our anger to seeking change, our grief to the comforting arms of our Father. 

Emotions are good, they just weren't created to be in charge!

As much trouble as I've gotten myself into by not controlling my emotions, I have to admit that life would be pretty bland without them.  Think of what it must have been like when TV switched from black and white to Technicolor!  Yowzers (that's what I imagine people would have said back then)!  Feelings make life more colorful and lively.  With anger, sadness and loneliness, you also get laughing so hard you can't breathe, the tingle of holding your husband's hand and tears of joy when you hear "mama" for the first time.  It's worth it!

Emotions are a gift from God.  They are good, but like other gifts from the Lord, Satan tries to twist them into something that can cause us harm.  We've let him get away with that for far too long.  It's time we took back control of our emotions.  They don't need to be the star of the show, just the Technicolor icing on top!

The next post will look at ways we can put emotions in their place.  Please, please, please message me, email me, call me, smoke signal me with your ideas...I need your input!

Managing Emotions Part 2: The UnFun Roller Coaster

Yesterday, I posted Part 1 of Managing Your Emotions.  It was all about how emotions can be mean little boogers...they are unstable, ever-changing and they lie.  If you didn't get a chance to read it, I hope you will take the time to scan through it.  It's not Hemingway or anything but it does make some valid points about the dangers of relying on our feelings. 

So, if our emotions are unstable and untrustworthy, why are we so easily lead by them?

1. They are our constant and earliest companion.  Our emotions are with us every second of every day, everywhere we go which makes them a little difficult to ignore.
2. They are LOUD little things!  Feelings can be incredibly strong and run deep which also makes them hard to ignore.
3. Even though they often lie or make situations seem larger than life, they seem genuine and justified at the time.  The old adage to "just sleep on it" comes in handy here.  It's amazing what a difference a day makes.
4. They demand urgency, convincing you something must be done right away or you will fall over dead from the unaddressed injustice.  Once again, "just sleep on it" sounds like words of a genius who's been there, done that.  We seldom make wise decisions or choose wise words when acting out of a sense of urgency.
5. Emotions are a habit.  If you're like me, you've let emotions manage you instead of you managing them for as long as you can remember.  They aren't going to relinquish their control over night.  You've got to replace the bad habit with a new one by repeatedly choosing to be led by God instead.

It's easy to see how emotions are the perfect tool for Satan to hold us back and load us down with all sorts of trouble.  If we are constantly led by them, we can be sure to expect:

1. fights with friends and family
2. needless worry (all worry is needless.  See Matthew 6:25-27)
3. a constant roller coaster that's not fun
4. magnified insecurities
5. drama, drama, drama

Yuck, none of us wants a life like that.  That's why we've got to learn to trust God instead of our emotions if we are ever going to experience the peace He intends for us.  God is everything our emotions are not!  He's trustworthy.  2 Samuel 7:28 says, "  Lord God, You are God; Your words are true, and You have promised grace to Your servant."  He is also stable and constant regardless of our changing circumstances.  Hebrews 13:8 promises, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  There's no better foundation to build a life upon than God. 

All of this focus on the negative side of emotions is draining but needed.  Tomorrow, we'll turn things around and talk about the good that comes from our feelings.  Yes, those lying little boogers are good for something!