20 Reasons I'm Even More AWESOME In My 30s Than I Was In My 20s!

So, here I am at 38 and I have absolutely no idea how I got here.  It's like how everyone hates going to Wal-Mart but at some point, you end up there anyway.  In my twenties, I thought getting older was to be dreaded, but actually, I think your thirties is when you really start to get the hang of things.  In fact, here's 20 reasons I am even more awesome now than ever before:

1.      I know who my friends are.  I also know who my acquaintances are and am finally wise enough to know the difference.  For more on how to develop the wright friendships, check out my post, The Beggar's Cup

2.      I have learned to laugh at myself.  Who cares if I snort when something funny catches me off guard or I make up words thinking they are legit...they should be!

3.      I'm over it!  Troy ditching me in 5th grade for my frienemy was his loss.  Seriously though, once I truly gave God all the hurts I'd accumulated along the way, He healed them and scars don't seem as bad as wounds.  Where once there was shame, mistrust and fear, there is now forgiveness, understanding and peace.  Remembering events from my past isn't painful anymore, they are simply the bricks that made me who I am today.  

4.      I have kids to help with the housework.  I hate to dust and at 38, I don't have to!

5.      I take the time to consider criticism from friends and am slowly learning to ignore it from everyone else.

6.      I don't have to be tan all the time.  Who needs that pressure?

7.      I'm more confident than ever before.  Not the kind of confident that comes because my hair has it going on or I'm struttin' a new outfit.  The genuine, stick-around kind that can't be shaken by the enormous zit that's made it's debut on my chin (yeah, still getting those at 38.  Like Tina Fey, I have the chin of a teenager!).  I still  have my moments of course, but the more time I spend with the Lord, the more beautiful I feel and the more confidence I display.  It's the reason I can say...

8.      I finally love my body.  It's healthy.  It's happy.  It's adored by my husband.

9.      I can tell people "no."  Would you like for me to elaborate?  No, I won't.

10.  I worry less.  I wouldn't say I don't worry at all, but definitely much less.  Turns out, the more time I spend with God, the more I trust Him.  Spending time with God seems to conquer a lot of my problems; wish I'd have realized that in my 20s!

11.  I've learned it's okay to not know what you want to be when you grow up.  I still don't know.  Is it too late to be a fighter pilot?

12.  I can run errands without any make-up on.  That's something I would have never done in my twenties.  Has my face gotten better?  Nope.  I just figure that if you know me, then you know what I look like when I'm fixed up and if you don't know me then why should I care what you think? 

13.  I care less what others think.

14.  I don't have to eat like a lady all the time.  In my twenties, I ate cute little salads s-l-o-w-l-y so I wouldn't finish eating before any guys at the table.  Now, I'm trying to beat my husband to the last hot wing! You do not want to get between me and hot wings!

15.  I talk to myself and no one cares because that's what old people do.  I'm really good company, by the way!

16.  I'm no longer waiting on...the perfect guy, job, house, kids, etc.  I'm simply enjoying right now.

17.  I accept help from others.  Gone is the girl who didn't need a man and could do everything on her own.  I know my strengths and weaknesses.  I've realized that where I struggle, my husband and friends excel and by accepting their help, I'm getting even more awesome every day.

18.  No one expects me to be cool, so if I am, great and if not, I get a pass.  I love cardigans.  I say "awesome," like it's still the 90s.  Want to see my playlist?  I'm not ashamed that I rock out to *NSync and George Michael.  I watch the History channel on purpose and am in bed by 9:30.  That's how I roll.

19.  I know who I am.  I'm a people-loving, rule-following girl (guess I'll always consider myself a girl) who loves Jesus.  I think too much but laugh a lot too.  I'm dorky, honest, loyal, and a good friend who loves to talk and adores run-on sentences. 

20.  I like who I am.  It took 38 years to be able to say that but I finally can and that's worth every line and grey hair.

Job 12:12 says, "Is not wisdom found among the aged?  Does not long life bring understanding?"  So, if we are this awesome in our 30s, just imagine how incredible we will be in our 60s!

The one thing I neglected to do as a mom

"Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:12 

Being a mom is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  And being a "good" mom?  Well, that's as illusive as chasing the end of a rainbow.  It's the only job where the skill requirements change from moment to moment so you can never master them.  So, what do I do?  What any Type A mom would do...I consult my good mom checklist:

ü      provide home-cooked meals (I even wear an apron which I think deserves bonus points)

ü      help with homework and volunteer at school

ü      pray with the kids and teach them about Jesus

ü      instill good manners (work in progress)

ü      teach them to be a good friend and stand up for others

ü      cart them around in the Mom Mobile to baseball, soccer and tumbling

ü      always have cookies in the cookie jar

ü      pray for them

My goal is to be June Cleaver but cooler.  You know, I'm an expert stain remover but I can also do the Nae Nae.  I thought my list covered all the biggies but this morning I realized it was missing the most important thing of all!

Give my kids to God!

This realization stung a little.  It's a lesson I should have learned the last time God showed it to me, but I can be a tad bit stubborn (hmmm, wonder if that's where my kids get it from?  Nah, must be the hubby's fault).  We adopted our youngest through the foster care system.  It's a process that often requires long waits of not knowing if you will have the child for another week, month or forever.  During this time with our daughter, God showed me that our oldest was no more "ours" simply because he was born to us than the child we longed to adopt.  Both of their futures were in God's hands, not ours.  Our children belong to the Lord.  Yes, He's entrusted us to help raise them with Him, but they are His!

If they belong to Him already, how can we "give them back" to Him?  I think it's a matter of simply acknowledging before the Lord that they belong to Him.  We see this in Genesis 22:1-12 where Abraham is asked to sacrifice his only son, Isaac.  It's a beautiful foretelling of how God would one day sacrifice His only son to save us but also an example of entrusting everything we have to the Lord's will, especially our children. By placing the child he'd waited 25 years to hold on the altar, Abraham is giving him back to God. 

What happens when you give them back to God?  Honestly, at first it was a little scary.  I like having control and this was completely relinquishing it.  Of course, I never really had control to begin with, but I had fooled myself into the comfort of thinking I did.  After that brief moment of fear came peace!  After all, who's a better person to care for my kids than the One who made them?  As hard as it is to imagine, God loves them even more than I do.  He wants what's best for them and can provide it.  I think the One who controls the seas can control my kids' futures just fine.  With that peace, also came relief.  Now I know it's not all on my husband and I to parent, we are partnered with the best Daddy that's ever been!

Let's pray together ~

Lord, letting go of my children is scary.  Somehow, all the worry and effort makes me feel like I have control.  Like if I do everything just right, no harm will come to them and they'll always choose to make right decisions.  I realize that worrying won't accomplish anything but trusting you will.  I know my children don't belong to me; they are yours, Father.  Thank you for trusting me to raise them with you.  Though they have always been and always will be yours, I give them back to you just as Abraham did with Isaac.  I trust you with their hearts, their futures and with their very lives.  Thank you for loving them even more than I do.  I know they are in good hands!

ü      Give my kids to God

For more information on how I handled the adoption process, check out my post http://inthewrightdirection.blogspot.com/2013/10/when-your-daily-bread-isnt-bread.html

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14

Let's be bold enough to be who God created us to be. There's only one of you and one of a kinds are much more valuable!  

The UGLY truth behind why I didn't WANT to forgive them

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  Colossians 3:13

Yep, you read the title correctly... I didn't want to forgive the person who hurt me.  I thought I did.  In fact, I begged God to help me forgive them and let it go.  I didn't like the way the bitterness of unforgiveness tasted in my life and I didn't like the distance that it caused between God and I.  I asked God,

"Why am I having such a hard time healing from this?"

After all, if you read my last post, "Forgiveness isn't always a one time decision," you know I thought it should be a piece of cake.  Well let me warn you right now, don't ever ask God for an answer if you don't want to hear what He has to say because He will answer you.  My answer came while I was reading my Bible (amazing what you learn when you actually make time for God, huh?).   I thought I was safe because I wasn't even reading about forgiveness.  I was reading in John chapter 5 about the paralytic by the healing waters of Bethesda.  When Jesus asked the man "do you want to be made well," it was if He was speaking directly to me.  I thought, "Of course I do, that's what I've been praying for."

But when I sat still and listened to what God was telling me, I realized I really didn't want to be healed.  I was like the proverbial monkey that sticks his hand in a small hole to retrieve a piece of fruit and remains trapped because he's unwilling to release his grip.  I wanted the benefits that come with forgiving someone; a restored relationship with Christ and to be free of that icky feeling that hangs around, but I didn't want to let go so I remained stuck.  So, then came my next question,

Why won't I let it go and forgive?

Guess what?  That answer came while I was reading my Bible again a few days later.  This time it was Luke 17:3-5, "If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.   Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.  The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith!'  I have never noticed the connection between these two verses but God made sure I did that day.  When told they should forgive someone over and over, the apostles said, "Lord, increase our faith."  We need faith to forgive!

 

Why wasn't I trusting God with this situation?

The answer was an ugly one.  I was afraid God would let them get away with how they'd treated me.  They had hurt me and I wanted justice.  I'm not sure what I expect God to do...turn them into a pillar of salt? Smote them?  Cause them to stump their toe in the middle of the night and tell them, "booyah, that was for Kathy?"  I don't even know what it means to be smoted but it doesn't sound good at all!  I sure don't want to be smoted when I mess up but I was perfectly fine with it happening to them.  Told you the truth was ugly.

That ugly truth made me ugly on the inside for a while.  Like I said in my last post, healing took time.  It took allowing God to change me.  I had to focus on the log in my own eye rather than glaring at the other person.  I don't care much about seeking justice any more.  I've realized I'm not a very good judge and I've got too much of my own stuff to work on to worry about what God is doing with someone else.  Plus, I finally realized it's none of my business.  God is good to me.  I've been forgiven far more than I could ever deserve. I need every ounce of grace God freely extends my way and so do they. 

P.S. - I looked up the word "smote," and it means to strike or hit hard with the hand, a stick, or other weapon."  And the past tense is "smit," but I don't like that as much and since it's my blog, I'm leaving it as "smoted."

Forgiveness isn't always a one time decision...it's often a process

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32 

I've never thought of myself as being an unforgiving person.  In fact, I've forgiven something so horrible I thought any future wrongs would be a piece of cake to forgive.  You know, like once you've climbed Everest, walking up the hill at the entrance to your neighborhood shouldn't be a big deal.

So, why was this particular hill such a big deal?

1. I was still on the hill.  I've learned it's one thing to forgive a past hurt and a whole other story to forgive in the middle of the hurt.

2. They weren't sorry.  Not one little bit.  But that's fine, we forgive because that's what our Daddy tells us to do.   And our Daddy tells us to forgive because that's what's best for us.  You've heard it, you know it...unforgiveness eats you up but does nothing to the other person. 

3. I may have taken a few (dozen) pity-party stops along the way which made the journey take longer than necessary.  I'm learning this is a complete waste of time and the sooner I can put on my big girl undies and take God by the hand, the sooner we can get to the good stuff.

4. I needed time...and that's okay!  Time truly does heal and with that healing comes perspective.  

Growing up, I both loathed and loved my summer camp's annual climb to the top of a nearby mountain.  The climb was difficult at times and made up of unsure steps and usually a fall or two.  Probably the worst part was not being able to see an end in sight until you emerged at the top of the tree line.  But when you finally made it to the top, you could look back, see how far you'd come and know it was worth it!

Thankfully, this situation ended much the same way.  I was able to forgive and more than that, I grew in the process.  I know it's hard to believe, but I actually had things I needed to work on and this helped me see that.  Forgiveness isn't always a one time decision, especially in an ongoing situation.  Sometimes, it's a process you simply have to take step by step with God until you can look back and know it was worth it.  I would never have chosen to be hurt and never have willingly put myself in an uncomfortable situation but when I look back on how much I've grown, I'm almost thankful the person hurt me.  Seriously! 

Unfortunately, we are all going to have hills we have to climb, all have hurts to forgive.   But when we do it with God, it's doable.  It's true..."God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

Christian Resolution Solution

"See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

There's just something special about anything new...that new car smell, the softness of a newborn's skin, the first signs of Spring.  New means clean and fresh and brings with it the excitement of possibilities.  That's why one of my favorite things about God is that He is a god of new beginnings.  In the beginning, He created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1) and ever since He's been giving those who turn to Him a new life.  Ezekiel 36:26 says, "And I will give you a new heart and a new spirit I will put within you."  2 Corinthians 5:17 promises that if we are in Christ, we are a new creature and Lamentations 3:22-23 tells that His mercies are new each morning.  Isn't that exciting!

With the new year approaching, I've been thinking about new beginnings and trying to decide if I want to commit to a resolution.  Now, you and I both know there's nothing magical about the start of a new year any more than the start of a new day or week, but there's nothing wrong with starting off 2015 with a Christ-centered goal.  In fact, I think it's wise for us to look back at how we've grown more like Christ over the past year and pinpoint areas that could use a little improvement.  After all, we receive grades in school and evaluations at work so why shouldn't we take the most important area of our life just as seriously?

Pray About it!

We should take the time to sit with God and ask Him what He would like for us to do or change.  Maybe it's to set aside a daily quiet time to read our Bible and pray?  Maybe it's to work on a specific issue like a bad attitude or quick tongue?  To be more disciplined with our thoughts?  To forgive?  Maybe we could study and work on the fruits of the spirit one by one?

Commit to it!

Whatever it is, we need to write it down and put it where we can see it each morning. We can study to see what God's Word says about it and consider getting a Bible study on the topic.  Let's set goals and celebrate reaching them.  Maybe even ask someone to be our accountability partner?

See it through!

Let's refuse to give up and instead strive for the prize (Philippians 3:13-14)!  Replacing old habits with new ones will take time but if we pray for guidance throughout the day instead of relying on our own willpower, no habit will be too hard to break.  Unlike resolutions made on our own, we have the assurance that when we seek to do God's will for our lives, He will help us.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

Let's do this!  I want to look back at 2015 and know I'm more like Jesus!

Managing Your Emotions Part 3: Emotions Are Good!

The last two posts have discussed why it's a bad idea to be led by our emotions and why it's so hard not to be.  Parts 1 and 2 are on the right side of the page if you would like to read them.

Honestly, emotions have cost me quite a lot through the years; relationships, tears, integrity, sleepless nights and most of all, peace.  I've often wished I could just flip a switch and turn them off forever but nope, they are as constant as the color of my eyes.

Why, oh why would God give us emotions if they are capable of causing us so much trouble?  Genesis 1:27 says that we are created in His image so that means God has emotions too. 

• Anger - Psalm 7:11, Ezra 5:13, Exodus 22:24, Deuteronomy 9:22, Romans 1:18
• Laughter - Psalm 2:4 & 37:13,  Proverbs 1:26  (I can't wait to hear God laugh!)
• Compassion - Psalm 103:13 & 135:14, Ezekiel 33:19
• Grief - Genesis 6:6, Psalm 78:40, Isaiah 68:10
• Love - Jeremiah 31:3, John 3:16, 1 John 4:8
• Jealousy - Exodus 20:5 & 34:14, Joshua 24:19
• Joy - Jeremiah 32:41, Zephaniah 3:17, Isaiah 62:5 

Isn't it comforting to know that our King not only knows WHAT we are feeling but HOW we are feeling as well?  That's what makes Him relatable which enables us to have a trusting relationship with Him.  Emotions are also what make us relatable to others we need to reach for Christ.  Our sympathy leads to forgiveness, our compassion to giving, our love to sharing Jesus, our anger to seeking change, our grief to the comforting arms of our Father. 

Emotions are good, they just weren't created to be in charge!

As much trouble as I've gotten myself into by not controlling my emotions, I have to admit that life would be pretty bland without them.  Think of what it must have been like when TV switched from black and white to Technicolor!  Yowzers (that's what I imagine people would have said back then)!  Feelings make life more colorful and lively.  With anger, sadness and loneliness, you also get laughing so hard you can't breathe, the tingle of holding your husband's hand and tears of joy when you hear "mama" for the first time.  It's worth it!

Emotions are a gift from God.  They are good, but like other gifts from the Lord, Satan tries to twist them into something that can cause us harm.  We've let him get away with that for far too long.  It's time we took back control of our emotions.  They don't need to be the star of the show, just the Technicolor icing on top!

The next post will look at ways we can put emotions in their place.  Please, please, please message me, email me, call me, smoke signal me with your ideas...I need your input!