8 Things You and I have in Common

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Psalm 139:14

  

One unexpected blessing I've benefited from as a result of blogging is the heart-sharing emails and Facebook messages I've received.  I cherish and save each one!  Time and time again, I'm struck with a common thought....we are all so much more alike than we realize.  As women, we have the same worries, insecurities, doubts, fears and struggles.  I often want to pass along the wisdom shared with me through these messages so we can all benefit.  While I would never betray the trust of those who have opened their lives to me, I have compiled a list of what I have learned.  I wish I could write these in the hearts of every woman (including myself) because I think life would be so much easier if we all lived like we knew them.  And honestly, I think we know them somewhere in the back of our minds, but often that knowledge gets buried beneath the rubble of lies the enemy bombards us with on a daily basis.

Here goes:

#1 The prettiest, skinniest, most well-dressed, silky-haired, perfectly made-up woman in your town has insecurities about her appearance. 

#2  None of us married a perfect Prince Charming.  I hope and pray that we never make a habit of talking negatively about our husbands but remember:  just because people choose to focus on the romantic, thoughtful and good daddy moments doesn't mean their husbands don't do things worthy of a good thump to the ear every once in a while.  Even Prince Charming started out as a frog, mind you!

#3 The most well-organized, calendar yielding woman in the universe has forgotten a piano lesson, lunch date or school snack...and the world kept spinning! 

#4 The strongest, most devoted Christian woman you can think of still struggles, still has issues she's yet to overcome and still fights doubt and fear daily.  A couple of years ago, I was able to attend a Beth Moore conference with a wonderful group of women from our church.  Of all the truths shared that weekend, what has stuck with me most is the fact that beautiful, well-loved, famous, deep in the Word, Beth Moore shared that she struggles with insecurities so deep that if she wasn't able to turn them over to God in prayer, it would be impossible for her to even walk out on stage. 

#5 Every good mama feels like a horrible mama sometimes.  Maybe your 3 year old pitched an Oscar-worthy fit in front of a gawking crowd at Publix (again), your precious little girl was "mean" to a friend at recess and of course you got a phone call, or your teenager made a horrible choice you somehow blame yourself for.  Or maybe in a moment of weakness, you say (or shout) something you're sure your children will never get over.  Believe me, it happens to all of us.

#6  Even Martha Stewart has a cobweb behind her bed and if she had little ones, you'd better believe there would be a random french-fry or nugget under the seat of her mini-van. Your kids will never remember you once went three weeks without dusting but they will never forget all the time you spent playing with them instead of dusting!

#7  Everyone is disliked by someone.  I am not good at being disliked and have made myself near crazy trying to earn the approval of someone that I didn't even like to begin with.  Shhhh, don't tell anyone I said that!

#8 It will all be okay!  Maybe not today, but it will be.  God says so!

I'm thankful for each of you, my beautiful sisters!

Pearls for Pain

"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory."  Isaiah 61:3

There's just something special about a strand of pearls; their iridescent shimmer, the smooth way they feel against your skin, how they can magically make even the simplest of outfits look pulled together.  For our 1 year anniversary, my husband gave me my very first set of pearls (real ones!).  I was so surprised, I bounced back and forth between giggling like a 10 year old at a slumber party and crying like a baby.  I'm not sure what made him think to buy them for me but nothing could have been more perfect.  I felt so feminine, classy and grown up like a Queen or Jackie O!  I still feel that way each and every time I wear them.

Recently, I was praying for a friend who's going through some difficult and life-changing circumstances.  During one of our recent conversations, she said something that haunted me for several days afterward.  She said that she used to pray for God to not let anything bad happen to her.  I guess it affected me so deeply because I have prayed that same prayer many times before...and yet something bad and undeserving did happen to my sister in Christ.  But as I was praying, God brought to mind my precious pearls and I began to research how they are made.  I was amazed by what I discovered!

A pearl is formed when an irritant like a grain of sand or parasite enters an oyster's protective shell and is unable to be expelled.  To protect itself from the ongoing cuts and pain brought by the irritant, the oyster slowly begins to coat it with layer after layer of a lustrous material called nacre.  It's these layers that give pearls their iridescent shimmer.  It takes 6-8 years to form a single pearl so it's no wonder they are so valued.  And would you have ever imagined that at the heart of something so beautiful is something that caused pain?

Honestly, I would never want to experience what my sweet friend is going through but as an outsider, I am able to see the beautiful pearl God is creating as she allows Him to gradually coat her pain with layer after layer of His healing love and guidance.  Each time I see her she is shimmering more and more with the radiance that only comes from spending time with the Lord.  He truly is giving her beauty for ashes.

I don't know what hurts you have experienced in your life or what might be threatening to break through your protective shell at any moment, but I do know who can take that pain and turn it into something beautiful if you'll let Him.  It may not happen overnight, but it will happen.

And a special thanks to my friend who is not only triumphantly walking through this with God but also sharing the pearls of wisdom she's gaining as she goes along.

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Ironing Out the Wrinkles of Childhood

"Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." Proverbs 29:17 

We have two children, both with very different personalities and learning styles.  If you have more than one, I can almost guarantee yours are just as different (I'm convinced it's life's little joke on us as parents).  I remember as a new mom, reading parenting book after parenting book and trying different methods until I locked-in on exactly what worked with my firstborn.  I thought I had this parenting thing all figured out until my second child arrived and my surefire parenting strategies didn't seem to work...AT ALL!  I tried and tried to make her fit into the parenting style I was used to but it just left us both frustrated. I struggled with the belief that I needed to treat and raise both of my children exactly the same to be fair.  There's just one problem with that theory...my children aren't the same and it is actually more unfair to treat them like they are!  I ended up having to re-buy all the parenting books I had given away back when I knew everything and start all over again.

Here's an overview of my two blessings ( I won't use names but if you know us, it probably won't take you long to figure out which child is which):

Child One

• A rule follower so they rarely do anything to warrant punishment
• Loves to please so again, they rarely get into trouble
• Tender-hearted to the point that a disapproving glance can bring on the tears so lower levels of discipline are usually all that's needed to correct a behavior
• Has a heavy conscience and will often confess before you even know they've done anything wrong
• Safety first so that saves them from a lot of trouble

Child Two

• Rules?  What rules?
• Very intelligent and may often use that intelligence to find trouble where others may not and also to avoid discovery of said trouble.  If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, did I really do anything wrong in the first place?
• Happy in all circumstances so punishments don't seem that bad.  Seriously, you put this child in time-out and they will put on a puppet show with their socks! 
• Happy-go-lucky attitude means punishments and lessons are quickly forgotten which leads to repeat offenses and tougher punishments
• Not afraid of anything

One of my children is a lot like me which makes parenting much easier.  I usually know how they think, how they feel, how best to explain new concepts, etc.  Teaching the other child requires more effort on my part but is also very rewarding because I'm learning and growing right along with them instead of staying in my little box.  Anyway, I want to parent both children the best way possible and so that leads to a lot of praying.  One day as I was praying and ironing, God used that ironing to show me that not only is it okay to parent my children differently, it's often necessary.

When I first started ironing my own clothes I thought it was absolutely ridiculous that there were so many settings.  I ironed everything the same.  My motto was, "turn that puppy on high and let's get the show on the road."  It didn't take too many melty, shiny spots on my favorite outfits to develop an appreciation for all those ridiculous settings.  Not enough heat on cotton and you are wasting your time...the wrinkles will remain.  Too much heat on silk and you will hurt the fabric. 

Parenting kids with different personalities can be similar.  If your child is more like cotton (think my kid #2) and you don't use enough heat (punishment), you may fail to "iron out" their wrinkles.  If your child is more delicate like silk, it can be easy to use too much heat and hurt the very fabric you are trying to improve. 

It's tough to know just how much discipline and correction is right for each child and each situation, but with patience and God's direction, I know we'll get it Wright.

Handle with care!

See You at the Sandbar!

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you…”  Isaiah 43:2

I’ve always been intrigued with the ocean…at what treasures lay hidden in her depths, at what might be swimming just below the surface and what all she has witnessed as ships have traveled her distance and storms have raged from one coast to another.  One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the constant changing of the tide.  Within hours, I’ve seen the waves change from almost nonexistent, to grab your boogie-board and come on in to downright scary.  Through the years, I’ve come to realize that life can be just as unpredictable and the tides of life can change just as quickly. 

John 16:33 tells us that “in this world you will have trouble,” and as much as we may like for things to stay the same, they rarely do for long.  So, what are we going to do when the waves start to crash around us or the tides begin to turn in a direction that leaves us off balance?  The way I see it, we have three options:  turn and run, freeze right where we are or keep swimming.

Who likes to be uncomfortable?  Who likes to fight the current?  Nope, not this girl!  I’ll take the easy-going, float through life days or the adventurous, ride the waves all the way to shore days any time.  But when the going gets tough or the slightest bit uncomfortable, I’ve been known to turn and run.  It makes sense.  It’s instinctive to just get out of the situation as soon as possible. The problem is, you rarely get anywhere in life if this is your go-to method of handling things.  Like the Israelites in the desert, we long for the comfort of what we know, even if what we know is keeping us in bondage.  The Israelites were all for venturing to the Promised Land until they missed the food and shelter provided by their Egyptian slave owners.  Change can be scary and uncertain but if we don’t brave it, we are certain to miss out.  Often something amazing is just around the corner from pain, confusion and discomfort so when we turn and run, we miss out on all that God has planned for us.  We miss the lessons in faith that come with trusting Him through the ups and downs.  We miss the opportunity to gain strength or conquer new territory.  We miss the adventure.  God wants to do a new thing in our lives (Isaiah 43:18-19) but it may take being brave and a little bit uncomfortable.  Do you believe it’s worth it?

Although I have implemented the Turn and Run in seasons past, I have an even greater tendency to freeze like a deer in headlights.  Freezing sounds simple…you simply don’t do anything!  But in reality, being stuck is exhausting!  Often in life, you feel like you are barely back on your feet from the knock-down of one wave before another one comes crashing down.  It can be hard to catch your breath let alone keep swimming but sometimes that is exactly what God wants us to do.  Keep going, keep trusting, and keep digging in those hinds’ feet one step at a time knowing He is going before you.  The Israelites were promised the “Promised Land,” but if it had been up to some of them, they would have stopped just short of victory because they were afraid of the giants that were surely waiting for them on the other side.  Maybe today, the waves around you are giant and it’s hard to see past them to the promises God has for you.  It’s scary when we can’t see what lies beyond the waves of our current circumstances but there is someone who can. 

I’m reminded of one of my son’s earliest encounters with the ocean.  I begged him to join me in taking our float to the calm waters of the sand bar but he was too afraid to venture past the break.  I assured him that while the waves might be crashing where he stood, if he could just be brave and trust me by taking a few more steps, he would be beyond the waves and the rest would be smooth sailing.  He wanted to believe me but he was too scared.  That’s when his amazing Daddy came in to save the day.  He lifted our little boy to his hip and carried him past the scary part.  God can do the same for you.  He’s big enough to see past your current circumstances and loving enough to walk you through them.  Do you trust Him? 

John 16:33 seems pretty bleak when we only concentrate on the portion that says, “In this world you will have trouble,” but the rest says that in Him we can have peace and to take heart because He has overcome the world.  Don’t turn back!  Don’t freeze!  Keep swimming…it’s worth it!  

Son Worshiper

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord who is the Spirit."     2 Corinthians 2:18

While many people in the Heart of Dixie welcome Fall with open arms, happy to see the end of another hot and muggy summer, I actually feel sad to see it come to an end.  Each leaf falling is a wave of good-bye from a dearly loved friend I know I'll miss. For months, I've started my day with coffee and the Lord on my front porch watching the sun rise, afternoons on the back porch with a good book watching it set, and time in between watching kids swim, play and explore in it's warmth.

And though I care nothing about getting a tan, my hours in the sun are evident by my darker skin, lighter hair (I always promise my hairdresser I'll wear a hat to protect her work but somehow never end up doing so), freckled face, sun spots and even wrinkles! Yikes!  You'd think the wrinkles alone would be enough to keep me indoors but I just can't stay away from the sun I love.  Perhaps it's the endorphins it produces or the Vitamin B it provides but problems seem less problematic and life seems sunnier in general after a little time in the sun. 

And can't the same be said for time with the Son?  Recently, one of my dearest friend's son, Zach Dimmock, was asked to join Christian rapper DPB on stage for an impromptu rap.  Can you imagine?  Now, if it had been me, I probably would have fainted at the thought of performing in front of an audience.  Or at the very least asked if I could join him back on stage in a month after having adequate time to type something up, over analyze every word, practice hours on end and put together a stage-worthy outfit. But at 15 years old, Zack has a boldness for Christ like few I've ever seen.  He takes advantage of every opportunity the Lord provides and uses his talents as a song writer and rapper to reach others in a way that a sermon, blog or book may not.  He sure reached me as one particular lyric has played over and over in my heart.  "Man, I'm always with the Son, you'd think I'd have a tan."  See, isn't that cool?

Just like my time in the sun is apparent to others around me by my physical appearance, our time with the Son (or lack thereof) is just as obvious. Have you ever been around a Christian who lights up the room or feels like a breath of fresh air came in with them?  Joy shows all over their face and their countenance is robed in peace and contentment.  There's no other way to describe it other than to say it is obvious they have spent time with the Son. 

I want that, don't you?  Exodus 34:29 says, "When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken to the Lord."  Psalm 34:5 tells us that "Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." That same radiance is available for each of us when we make spending time with the Lord a priority.  Just as the moon produces no light of it's own but merely reflects the sun's rays, we as Christians are incapable of producing light and must reflect God's glory to those around us.  The only way for that to happen is with direct Son exposure.  We need daily breaks from Sonblocks like TV, work, friends, busyness and worries in order to spend time in God's Word and time in prayer and praise. It won't take long before others start to notice the effects of us being Son Worshipers.      

Let's Get Glowing Challenge:  Commit to spending 45 min a day with God and God alone for the next week.  See what a difference a little time with the Son can make.

When Your "Daily Bread" isn't Bread

My husband and I have been blessed with two children who have taught us more than we could ever teach them.  Our son, Jackson, was born to us 11 years ago and our daughter, Gracie, came to us through the foster care system 7 years ago.  At some point, I would love to share more about our adoption process but today it's on my heart to share a lesson I learned in the waiting.  There's always so much to be learned in the waiting, isn't there?

When God called us to be foster parents, I knew it would be difficult but I never imagined the mix of emotions that would pour over me from day to day as I held the precious girl God had put in our hearts years earlier.  You see, when you agree to foster a child in your home, you often don't know if you will have them for days, months, years or like in our case, be able to adopt them into your family at some point down the road.  From the first time I held Gracie in my arms, there was an undercurrent of peace in my heart that she would always be a member of our family, but often what rose to the surface were waves of fear; fear that I might be misunderstanding God or inserting my own desires to keep her, fear that I would love her with all I had only to have her leave, taking my heart with her as she went.

It was during one of these fearful moments when I was on my front porch literally crying out loud to God that I learned a definition of "daily bread" I'd never considered before.  I had been telling the Lord I didn't think I could love this child with abandon like I'd planned because it would simply hurt too bad if she was unable to stay with us.  I desired to do something life-changing for someone else, but in these moments, all I could think about was myself.  As I cried, I heard Him tell me that she deserved to be loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally because we might be the only ones who would ever give her such love.  Every child deserves to be loved so deeply.  It's a vital step towards being able to accept God's perfect love.  He also reminded me that Jackson wasn't mine any more than Gracie and that both their futures were in His hands.  He showed me that if Gracie left, I would still have a husband and a child who loved me.  I would still have a roof over my head and a relationship with Him, but Gracie might not have any of those things.  In that moment, I committed to love her with all I had while I had her but I also knew I wasn't capable of doing so on my own. 

From that day forward, I met Jesus on my porch each and every morning while my babies still slept.  Each day, I arrived fearful and spent but left hopeful and filled.  I had always taken the "daily bread" portion of the Lord's Prayer for granted because I had no real understanding of what it meant to trust God for my next meal.  But what happened in that year and a half of waiting changed how I saw "daily bread" forever.  I now feel it can be anything you are completely reliant on Christ for (which shouldn't that be everything?).  For me, it was "Lord, give me this day my daily portion of unconditional love for Gracie." Your "daily bread" may be strength to care for a loved one, money to keep your business open another day, patience with a child who is testing you, love for someone who isn't acting very lovely, etc.  We often just want the problem to go away or have so much excess that we don't have to worry, but there is something so special about relying on the Lord for that daily portion.  I'm reminded of the Israelites in the wilderness.  God could easily have chosen to grant them food that would never spoil and warehouses stockpiled with whatever they could need, but He chose to supply them with one days worth of manna at a time so they would learn to trust and rely on Him.  I can't promise you mammoth amounts of manna but I can promise you that God will supply all your needs day by day.  He will be your portion and He will never fail to equip you for what He's called you to do.       

The Beggar's Cup

We've all seen him, whether in a movie or on our daily commute to work downtown; the homeless man that stands at the busy intersection or on a crowded sidewalk with his outstretched cup.  He's hoping a passerby will be gracious enough, will slow down enough to give him the change they will never miss but could help him make it through another day.  It's a humbling sight each and every time I witness it and I pray my heart never forgets such images.

I'm blessed to have a roof over my head and more food than we can eat before the expiration date but spiritually, I have been just as bankrupt.  The sad part is, it's always of my own doing.  I remember one time in particular.  I was eight months pregnant with our first child when my husband and I decided to move, leaving behind all of our college, church and work friends.  We only moved a couple of hours away but to this people-loving girl, it might as well have been to the dark side of the moon. 

At first, I wasn't concerned.  I just knew I would make new friends and all would be right with the world.  Well, months went by and making new friends wasn't nearly as easy as I thought it would be.  It takes time to build solid relationships and soon I became desperate for companionship.  Let me just stop right here and tell you that any time you are desperate for anything, you are in dangerous territory, my friend!  My longing for the thirty minute phone conversations and laughs over lattes that I had enjoyed in my old town quickly became a recipe for disaster.

My friendship cup was empty and rather than turning to God to fill the void, I became like that beggar.  I extended my cup to anyone and everyone who was willing to fill it.  How dangerous!  Whatever area of your life feels lacking or incomplete (friendships, a romantic relationship, a missing father, an empty womb, etc), you can bet your bottom dollar that if you aren't turning to God someone or something will step in to fill the emptiness and it will leave you worse than empty when it's all said and done.  I gained "friends" alright but those relationships were never the way God intended.  They weren't bad people, they just weren't the people God set aside for me.

I vividly remember a conversation I had with God during this difficult time of my life where I begged Him for close friends.  His response was simple...I would not have close friendships until I learned to make Him my "best" friend.  He needed to be my top priority, the One I sought after, the One I turned to first.  Oh, how thankful I am for that life-changing conversation.  I finally took my empty cup to the Lord and boy did He fill it!!!  Luke 6:23 talks about the type of filling God does as "a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over."  Whoo, I feel full just reading that!  It's the part that "runs over" that showers onto people around us, giving what is needed to maintain "healthy" relationships.  See, I wanted to take but I was so empty that I didn't have much to give.  If only I had gone to Him sooner.

If you are empty in an area of your life today, I challenge you to read the story of the Woman at the Well found in John chapter 4.  The Samaritan woman came to the well with nothing but an empty bucket and an even emptier heart.  She left her time with Jesus filled and if you spend time with Him, you'll leave the same way.  He is the only one who can fill you!

P.S - It took some time and a lot of learning to trust God, but now I am honored to call some of the most encouraging, God-seeking women I've ever known, my friends!  I still need the occasional reminder to make sure I'm spending time at the well with my Savior getting filled rather than relying on others but I'm moving in the Wright direction little by little.