Managing Emotions Part 2: The UnFun Roller Coaster

Yesterday, I posted Part 1 of Managing Your Emotions.  It was all about how emotions can be mean little boogers...they are unstable, ever-changing and they lie.  If you didn't get a chance to read it, I hope you will take the time to scan through it.  It's not Hemingway or anything but it does make some valid points about the dangers of relying on our feelings. 

So, if our emotions are unstable and untrustworthy, why are we so easily lead by them?

1. They are our constant and earliest companion.  Our emotions are with us every second of every day, everywhere we go which makes them a little difficult to ignore.
2. They are LOUD little things!  Feelings can be incredibly strong and run deep which also makes them hard to ignore.
3. Even though they often lie or make situations seem larger than life, they seem genuine and justified at the time.  The old adage to "just sleep on it" comes in handy here.  It's amazing what a difference a day makes.
4. They demand urgency, convincing you something must be done right away or you will fall over dead from the unaddressed injustice.  Once again, "just sleep on it" sounds like words of a genius who's been there, done that.  We seldom make wise decisions or choose wise words when acting out of a sense of urgency.
5. Emotions are a habit.  If you're like me, you've let emotions manage you instead of you managing them for as long as you can remember.  They aren't going to relinquish their control over night.  You've got to replace the bad habit with a new one by repeatedly choosing to be led by God instead.

It's easy to see how emotions are the perfect tool for Satan to hold us back and load us down with all sorts of trouble.  If we are constantly led by them, we can be sure to expect:

1. fights with friends and family
2. needless worry (all worry is needless.  See Matthew 6:25-27)
3. a constant roller coaster that's not fun
4. magnified insecurities
5. drama, drama, drama

Yuck, none of us wants a life like that.  That's why we've got to learn to trust God instead of our emotions if we are ever going to experience the peace He intends for us.  God is everything our emotions are not!  He's trustworthy.  2 Samuel 7:28 says, "  Lord God, You are God; Your words are true, and You have promised grace to Your servant."  He is also stable and constant regardless of our changing circumstances.  Hebrews 13:8 promises, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  There's no better foundation to build a life upon than God. 

All of this focus on the negative side of emotions is draining but needed.  Tomorrow, we'll turn things around and talk about the good that comes from our feelings.  Yes, those lying little boogers are good for something!

Managing Emotions Part 1: Emotions Are Mean Little Boogers!

"We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,"  2 Corinthians 10:5

A while back, I was given the opportunity to guest teach a youth girl's class at my church on the topic of managing emotions.  I was thrilled to be assigned this lesson because it's an area of my life I've really been working on over the last couple of years. 

Now, with that being said, there are still moments you could speak to me and think, "She's come a long way in learning to control her emotions???  Yikes, what was she like before?"  That's why I mercifully claim the scriptures above, Philippians 3:13-14, as my life verses; I think they perfectly summarize our Christian journey.  I haven't obtained perfection in managing my emotions but I am pressing forward and seeing progress with each passing day.  Hey, it's not easy breaking a habit that's dug in over 30+ years (don't ask how many pluses!). 

But, I'm determined to exit the emotional roller coaster once and for all and resist all future rides.

I shared with those sweet and crazy girls an example of how terrible it would be to have an unstable boss at work.  Someone who's up one minute, down the next.  Someone who lies constantly, stirs up trouble where there is none and is just simply unpredictable.  None of us would want to be managed by someone like that and yet many of us are...our emotions.

Emotions are based on feelings and feelings aren't stable!  Feelings are unstable because they can be easily swayed by so many things:

• our circumstances
• who we are around and their attitudes
• how much rest we've been getting or not getting
• our insecurities
• hormones
• other's opinions of us
• how we feel physically
• how much time we've spent with God                    

                                                                                                the list is endless!

Not only are emotions unstable, but they also lie:

• emotions can convince you a friend is angry with you when really, they are just having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you
• they say you aren't good enough, aren't liked or accepted when nothing could be further from the truth
• they convince you someone was talking bad about you when you entered the room when they were actually saying how much they love your outfit
• they whisper that things will never get any better and that you can't change when God's word clearly offers hope to the contrary

You get the picture.  Emotions can be mean little boogers!

So, if emotions are unstable and lie, why are we so easily lead by them?

We'll tackle that question tomorrow but until then, I'd love to hear your thoughts, ideas and struggles with emotions. I could use all the insight you are willing to pass along.  

Mind Your Own Business!

"and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life:  You should mind your own business and work with your hands..."  1 Thessalonians 4:11

I recently helped my grandmother sort through my great-grandmother's jewelry.  My great-grandmother, Maw, had a love for all that sparkled along with a knack for making necklaces that would rival anything Charming Charlie has to offer. 

As we combed through the pieces, I dreamed of all the ways I could incorporate these treasures into my wardrobe.  But that dream quickly became a jumbled up, tangled up nightmare!  At least a gazillion (okay, maybe it was more like 7 but it might as well have been a gazillion) of the strands were connected in a maze of mess.

Now, I am not exactly known for my patience.  In fact, if my precious grandmother hadn't been sitting by my side, I probably would have ripped them apart Hulk style and been done with it.  Thankfully, we were able to get them all separated and of course, it was well worth every second of the untangling process.  On a side note, if you ever need me to be patient, the promise of homemade coconut cake seems to help. 

Where is this lovely story leading you might ask?  Well, yesterday as I sat down on the back porch to read my Bible and pray, I couldn't focus.  My mind felt just like those jumbled up, tangled up necklaces; thoughts running in every direction but leading nowhere and beads of emotion making it impossible to unwind.

As I asked God to untangle the mess, it dawned on me that much of what was occupying my thoughts was none of my concern.  And wouldn't you know it, the Bible has a verse for that!  1 Thessalonians 4:11 says to "make it your ambition to lead a quiet life:  You should mind your own business and work with your hands..."  That's pretty straight forward, huh?

Unfortunately, it can be pretty hard to mind your own business sometimes.  It seems like we are constantly being bombarded with other people's business with every call, text or scroll through social media.  It's easy to get distracted and caught up before you even realize it.  I love that the verse says to work with your hands (note that it says hands, not scrolling thumb!) because it is hard to wander into someone else's business when you are actively working on your own.

Once I removed all the thoughts that were none of my business, my mind felt less jumbly and my burden seemed lighter.  Of course being both Type A, as y'all well know, and forgetful to boot, I thought it would be best to see my responsibilities (my business) in writing. 

Look how small the list is!  Now that's doable!  

The Cost of Perfection

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

I know I'm not perfect but I sure want to be.  I think even my list of what I want to improve upon...is well...perfect.  I'm not seeking the perfect body, home, hubby or kids.  I'm not hoping to obtain the perfect balance in my bank account or the perfect wardrobe.  I want good, Christiany perfection. I want to be a perfect mom and wife.  I want to be a more obedient and trusting child of God; a Proverbs 31 kind of woman.  I want to write perfect blog posts!

I want all of this perfection for the right reasons and for the right people.  I want it so those around me will see how awesome God is and want to know Him better.  All good things, but honestly, it's not working out too well for me.  I simply can't pull off perfection and striving for it is exhausting (seriously, EXHAUSTING)! 

Repeatedly falling short of my unrealistic expectations is disappointing (and EXHAUSTING).  We simply weren't meant to be perfect so it's like a right handed person trying to do everything left handed.  It's EXHAUSTING people!

But the absolute worst part about seeking perfection is that it often causes us to do the opposite of what we were hoping to achieve in the first place.  Take my blog for example...I'm so hung up on wanting each post to measure up to some imagined level that I often find it hard to post what I write in fear that it will fall short.  My goal is to share what God is doing in my life but I often end up not sharing at all. 

What good is a boat that never leaves the dock?  What good is a voice that's never heard? 

At some point, we have to realize that a messy message is often better than no message at all.  God can use messy and imperfect.  On the other hand, He can't use what we never do!  And why on earth do we set such high standards for ourselves when the One who called us, the only one capable of perfection wants to use us just the way we are? 

2 Corinthians 12:9 says that His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. God knew I couldn't spell, loved run-on sentences and misused commas when He called me to start In the Wright Direction and guess what?  Not one of you have commented on my lack of grammar skills (don't take that as an invitation to start).

I know you've probably seen lists like this before but I hope you'll take a look anyway:

Jeremiah was too young

Abraham was too old

Moses stuttered

Gideon was afraid

Rahab was a prostitute

David was an adulterer and murderer

Jonah ran from God

Peter denied Christ

Martha was a worry wart

Lazarus was dead

and yet God used every single one of them and their testimonies are still changing lives today.  What's your excuse?  God gave us these examples to demolish our excuses and give us hope.  He wants to use you just the way you are.

I hope you'll pray for me as I battle my excuses for not writing more often and if you let me know, I'll pray for you too.

P.S. - Brandall, my editor,  wants it noted that I already have the "perfect husband," and he corrected 4 grammatical errors in this post.  

You Grow Girl!

"Like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation."   1 Peter 2:2

My kids love to hear how much they've grown and being raised in the South they've each heard their share of, "Wow, you are growing like a weed!"  At this phase in life, it's easy to see how rapidly they are changing.  It's evident in the shoes and clothes that have to be replaced every few months, the loss of teeth, a changing voice and an ever growing grocery bill. 

My daughter measures her growth by where the bathroom counter comes to her waste as I style her hair before school and my son by how easily he can pick me up off the ground.  Okay, I have to just keep typing here because if I stop, I will cry (possibly for days).  Seriously, I no longer pick up my son and carry him on my hip; he picks me up instead!

Anyway, my kid's excitement at seeing their progress has me wondering why I no longer get excited by my own growth. 

Last night, I had the opportunity to teach a girl's Bible study class at my church.  When I discovered the subject was managing your emotions, I just knew this was an assignment straight from God.  It's a topic near and dear to my heart because I've actually been working on managing my emotions for the last couple of years.  As I sat down to pray and make notes for the class, I was amazed at how much I had to pass along...because I have grown! I was elated to see that I was a few inches taller in this area than I once was. 

Whether it's in my work outs, breaking bad habits, being a good mom, etc., I tend to focus on all I'm lacking.  All I can see is how far I still have to go.  I never stop to notice just how far I've already come!

Leading the Bible study gave me the chance to do just that.  It was like standing with my back to a door frame ticking off a pencil mark and stepping away to see a big gap between the me of two years ago and the me of today.  It was exciting!

It can be so easy to get tied up in striving for perfection that we overlook all that
God has already accomplished in us.  But it's comforting to know that God doesn't overlook our changes any more than you could go without noticing your own child's growth.  He sees, He acknowledges and He celebrates your growth each and every day!

Today, I hope you will slow down enough to see, acknowledge and celebrate just how far you've come.  It might give you just the encouragement and excitement you need to keep going!  You're doing it...inch by inch, and heading in the (W)right direction!

8 fun and frugal ways to bond as a family this summer

I wrote the following for a guest post for Birmingham Bargain Mom.  I was excited for the opportunity and hope you will check her out at http://blog.al.com/bargain-mom/index.html

If you’re like us, the school year is a blur of games, lessons and homework. Sure, we spend a lot of time together as a family but it’s way too structured for my taste and leaves me longing for the laid back, easy-going days of summer.

Now that summer has finally graced us with her presence, I want to make sure my family has fun and makes memories we’ll never forget. I’ve put together a list of our favorite family bonding activities and hope you will share yours with me as well.

1. Eat dinner together with pizzazz! – Eat outside on the porch, have an indoor picnic, eat hotdogs on fine china in the dining room by candlelight, eat with chopsticks, have theme nights (think Chimichangas and refried beans with salsa music and printed tidbits about Mexico), let the kids choose their favorites to prepare.

2. Family Fun Night – unplug, no TV or video games, gasp! Get outside and play 4-Square (we are hooked! Check out www.squarefour.org/rules), hide-and-seek, badminton, catch lightning bugs, go for a walk, have a water gun battle or play in the water hose.

3. No Whining Wednesday – I thought this would be a tough one for the kids but I think it’s actually harder for me. First of all, no one is allowed to be negative or complain. Secondly, if you say something unkind to someone, you have to say 5 nice things about them. Lastly, I don’t get onto the kids unless absolutely necessary. I’ll stop them from punching each other but will try to look the other way as they chew with their mouths open, forget to say “thank you” or make a mess. Believe me, it’s hard at times but so worth it! I didn’t realize how often I gripe about the little things until I decided not to.

4. Get in the kitchen together – No need to spend hours over a hot stove on a hot summer day. No one will complain about getting to build their own pizzas (try individual pizzas on tortillas), subs, nachos, or smoothies. Have bowls of toppings and let the fun and creativity begin.

5. Science experiment or art project day – I love Pinterest! I have an entire board set aside for experiments and projects I think my kiddos will enjoy. Sometimes on grocery buying day, I let them peruse the board and pick out something they want to do together. We make a list of the supplies we’ll need and out the door we go. They never complain about having to go to the store when they know we are buying project supplies along with our weekly groceries.  (Bargain Mom note - here's a story I did about water experiments with the kids that kept them busy for hours)

6. Start a hobby together – My son and I are currently working on our second model airplane!

7. Do something for someone else – bake homemade cookies and deliver them to your local fire department, visit someone in a nursing home, mow a neighbor’s yard, etc. You’ll have a day you can be proud of and raise kids to be proud of too. (Bargain Mom note, here's the recipe for the cookies featured in the gallery)

8. And because you don’t want your home condemned by the time school rolls around,Set the oven timer and get to cleaning – This is my most genius mom idea ever! Set the timer for 15 or 20 minutes. Have everyone start in their own area and then expand, cleaning and straightening as fast as possible until the timer sounds. No one wants to clean but knowing you don’t have to do it for long makes it seem less daunting and even fun. Sometimes we look around in amazement at what all we were able to accomplish in such a short time. Then, back to building a sheet tent in the den!

5 tips for finding your perfect parenting style

The following post first appeared as a guest blog I wrote for Birmingham Bargain Mom.  I hope you will check out her website at http://blog.al.com/bargain-mom/index.html.

Like any good Type A mom, I started preparing for my first born before he was even conceived.  I began eating healthier, quit drinking caffeine and started prenatal vitamins. During pregnancy I avoided household cleaners, refused Tylenol and Tums and even covered my nose and mouth while pumping gas to avoid fume inhalation (cute, huh?).

My desire to be the perfect parent was even further magnified when I held my precious son for the first time. He was new and untarnished and I was determined to keep him that way.

The problem was, I had no idea how to do so! I say we skip Algebra class altogether (never tell my kids or any math teachers I said that!) and take a course on what to do when your child won't eat anything green and you just know they will develop rickets or how to respond when your toddler throws a tantrum the size of Texas right in front of your mother-in-law! Now there's a class we could all benefit from and there's not a calculator in the world that can short-cut the minefield of parenting.

Anyway, I frantically began reading parenting book after parenting book searching for the "perfect parenting method" for raising our children. Like a fad diet, I would excitedly latch onto one method, follow it to the letter and then feel like a complete failure when I couldn't make it work.

What kind of parent am I?

Next, I began copying a dear friend who seemed to have it all together. Her kids were well-mannered, well-behaved and always well-groomed. Hard as I tried to mimic her every move, that didn't last either. I felt doomed to be a bad mom with kids who dreamed of running away to find a better mom: a mom who wore aprons while baking perfectly moist cupcakes and spoke in a soothing tone at all times.

Finally, I did what I should have done all along...I prayed for God to help me find my "perfect parenting style."

This is what He has shown me:

1. There isn't one. Nope!

2. Kids and life refuse to follow a pattern to be mastered. Each moment, each stage and each child you have will differ from the last so there can never be a "one size fits all" method.

3. Prepare but know you won't always be prepared. I discuss what I expect with my children, let them know what will happen if they don't behave and then follow through with my preplanned punishment if needed. That being said, there are times when nothing could prepare me for what the day brings. So, we have to learn to pray without ceasing, follow what we know in our hearts about our children and handle each situation as it comes our way.

4. Don't be afraid to be yourself as a parent. We are going to be raising children for years to come so that's way too long to try to force yourself into a parenting style that isn't you. And that brings me to my favorite thing I've learned....

5. If God wanted your child to be raised like "so and so" is raising their children, He would have given your child to "so and so." Take that in for a second!

Chosen by God

God chose you to parent your child for a reason. You are the best equipped person to raise them into who He wants them to be. That means that with Him you can do it and do it well.

I'm not saying we shouldn't read parenting books or try to improve. Raising children is the toughest most important job we can ever have. It's a huge responsibility that warrants us putting forth our best efforts, but it is okay to make mistakes. We are going to mess up from time to time and so are our kids.

I think the most important thing to remember is to keep the lines of communication with our kids open and keep praying.