The Cost of Perfection

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

I know I'm not perfect but I sure want to be.  I think even my list of what I want to improve upon...is well...perfect.  I'm not seeking the perfect body, home, hubby or kids.  I'm not hoping to obtain the perfect balance in my bank account or the perfect wardrobe.  I want good, Christiany perfection. I want to be a perfect mom and wife.  I want to be a more obedient and trusting child of God; a Proverbs 31 kind of woman.  I want to write perfect blog posts!

I want all of this perfection for the right reasons and for the right people.  I want it so those around me will see how awesome God is and want to know Him better.  All good things, but honestly, it's not working out too well for me.  I simply can't pull off perfection and striving for it is exhausting (seriously, EXHAUSTING)! 

Repeatedly falling short of my unrealistic expectations is disappointing (and EXHAUSTING).  We simply weren't meant to be perfect so it's like a right handed person trying to do everything left handed.  It's EXHAUSTING people!

But the absolute worst part about seeking perfection is that it often causes us to do the opposite of what we were hoping to achieve in the first place.  Take my blog for example...I'm so hung up on wanting each post to measure up to some imagined level that I often find it hard to post what I write in fear that it will fall short.  My goal is to share what God is doing in my life but I often end up not sharing at all. 

What good is a boat that never leaves the dock?  What good is a voice that's never heard? 

At some point, we have to realize that a messy message is often better than no message at all.  God can use messy and imperfect.  On the other hand, He can't use what we never do!  And why on earth do we set such high standards for ourselves when the One who called us, the only one capable of perfection wants to use us just the way we are? 

2 Corinthians 12:9 says that His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. God knew I couldn't spell, loved run-on sentences and misused commas when He called me to start In the Wright Direction and guess what?  Not one of you have commented on my lack of grammar skills (don't take that as an invitation to start).

I know you've probably seen lists like this before but I hope you'll take a look anyway:

Jeremiah was too young

Abraham was too old

Moses stuttered

Gideon was afraid

Rahab was a prostitute

David was an adulterer and murderer

Jonah ran from God

Peter denied Christ

Martha was a worry wart

Lazarus was dead

and yet God used every single one of them and their testimonies are still changing lives today.  What's your excuse?  God gave us these examples to demolish our excuses and give us hope.  He wants to use you just the way you are.

I hope you'll pray for me as I battle my excuses for not writing more often and if you let me know, I'll pray for you too.

P.S. - Brandall, my editor,  wants it noted that I already have the "perfect husband," and he corrected 4 grammatical errors in this post.  

You Grow Girl!

"Like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation."   1 Peter 2:2

My kids love to hear how much they've grown and being raised in the South they've each heard their share of, "Wow, you are growing like a weed!"  At this phase in life, it's easy to see how rapidly they are changing.  It's evident in the shoes and clothes that have to be replaced every few months, the loss of teeth, a changing voice and an ever growing grocery bill. 

My daughter measures her growth by where the bathroom counter comes to her waste as I style her hair before school and my son by how easily he can pick me up off the ground.  Okay, I have to just keep typing here because if I stop, I will cry (possibly for days).  Seriously, I no longer pick up my son and carry him on my hip; he picks me up instead!

Anyway, my kid's excitement at seeing their progress has me wondering why I no longer get excited by my own growth. 

Last night, I had the opportunity to teach a girl's Bible study class at my church.  When I discovered the subject was managing your emotions, I just knew this was an assignment straight from God.  It's a topic near and dear to my heart because I've actually been working on managing my emotions for the last couple of years.  As I sat down to pray and make notes for the class, I was amazed at how much I had to pass along...because I have grown! I was elated to see that I was a few inches taller in this area than I once was. 

Whether it's in my work outs, breaking bad habits, being a good mom, etc., I tend to focus on all I'm lacking.  All I can see is how far I still have to go.  I never stop to notice just how far I've already come!

Leading the Bible study gave me the chance to do just that.  It was like standing with my back to a door frame ticking off a pencil mark and stepping away to see a big gap between the me of two years ago and the me of today.  It was exciting!

It can be so easy to get tied up in striving for perfection that we overlook all that
God has already accomplished in us.  But it's comforting to know that God doesn't overlook our changes any more than you could go without noticing your own child's growth.  He sees, He acknowledges and He celebrates your growth each and every day!

Today, I hope you will slow down enough to see, acknowledge and celebrate just how far you've come.  It might give you just the encouragement and excitement you need to keep going!  You're doing it...inch by inch, and heading in the (W)right direction!

8 fun and frugal ways to bond as a family this summer

I wrote the following for a guest post for Birmingham Bargain Mom.  I was excited for the opportunity and hope you will check her out at http://blog.al.com/bargain-mom/index.html

If you’re like us, the school year is a blur of games, lessons and homework. Sure, we spend a lot of time together as a family but it’s way too structured for my taste and leaves me longing for the laid back, easy-going days of summer.

Now that summer has finally graced us with her presence, I want to make sure my family has fun and makes memories we’ll never forget. I’ve put together a list of our favorite family bonding activities and hope you will share yours with me as well.

1. Eat dinner together with pizzazz! – Eat outside on the porch, have an indoor picnic, eat hotdogs on fine china in the dining room by candlelight, eat with chopsticks, have theme nights (think Chimichangas and refried beans with salsa music and printed tidbits about Mexico), let the kids choose their favorites to prepare.

2. Family Fun Night – unplug, no TV or video games, gasp! Get outside and play 4-Square (we are hooked! Check out www.squarefour.org/rules), hide-and-seek, badminton, catch lightning bugs, go for a walk, have a water gun battle or play in the water hose.

3. No Whining Wednesday – I thought this would be a tough one for the kids but I think it’s actually harder for me. First of all, no one is allowed to be negative or complain. Secondly, if you say something unkind to someone, you have to say 5 nice things about them. Lastly, I don’t get onto the kids unless absolutely necessary. I’ll stop them from punching each other but will try to look the other way as they chew with their mouths open, forget to say “thank you” or make a mess. Believe me, it’s hard at times but so worth it! I didn’t realize how often I gripe about the little things until I decided not to.

4. Get in the kitchen together – No need to spend hours over a hot stove on a hot summer day. No one will complain about getting to build their own pizzas (try individual pizzas on tortillas), subs, nachos, or smoothies. Have bowls of toppings and let the fun and creativity begin.

5. Science experiment or art project day – I love Pinterest! I have an entire board set aside for experiments and projects I think my kiddos will enjoy. Sometimes on grocery buying day, I let them peruse the board and pick out something they want to do together. We make a list of the supplies we’ll need and out the door we go. They never complain about having to go to the store when they know we are buying project supplies along with our weekly groceries.  (Bargain Mom note - here's a story I did about water experiments with the kids that kept them busy for hours)

6. Start a hobby together – My son and I are currently working on our second model airplane!

7. Do something for someone else – bake homemade cookies and deliver them to your local fire department, visit someone in a nursing home, mow a neighbor’s yard, etc. You’ll have a day you can be proud of and raise kids to be proud of too. (Bargain Mom note, here's the recipe for the cookies featured in the gallery)

8. And because you don’t want your home condemned by the time school rolls around,Set the oven timer and get to cleaning – This is my most genius mom idea ever! Set the timer for 15 or 20 minutes. Have everyone start in their own area and then expand, cleaning and straightening as fast as possible until the timer sounds. No one wants to clean but knowing you don’t have to do it for long makes it seem less daunting and even fun. Sometimes we look around in amazement at what all we were able to accomplish in such a short time. Then, back to building a sheet tent in the den!

5 tips for finding your perfect parenting style

The following post first appeared as a guest blog I wrote for Birmingham Bargain Mom.  I hope you will check out her website at http://blog.al.com/bargain-mom/index.html.

Like any good Type A mom, I started preparing for my first born before he was even conceived.  I began eating healthier, quit drinking caffeine and started prenatal vitamins. During pregnancy I avoided household cleaners, refused Tylenol and Tums and even covered my nose and mouth while pumping gas to avoid fume inhalation (cute, huh?).

My desire to be the perfect parent was even further magnified when I held my precious son for the first time. He was new and untarnished and I was determined to keep him that way.

The problem was, I had no idea how to do so! I say we skip Algebra class altogether (never tell my kids or any math teachers I said that!) and take a course on what to do when your child won't eat anything green and you just know they will develop rickets or how to respond when your toddler throws a tantrum the size of Texas right in front of your mother-in-law! Now there's a class we could all benefit from and there's not a calculator in the world that can short-cut the minefield of parenting.

Anyway, I frantically began reading parenting book after parenting book searching for the "perfect parenting method" for raising our children. Like a fad diet, I would excitedly latch onto one method, follow it to the letter and then feel like a complete failure when I couldn't make it work.

What kind of parent am I?

Next, I began copying a dear friend who seemed to have it all together. Her kids were well-mannered, well-behaved and always well-groomed. Hard as I tried to mimic her every move, that didn't last either. I felt doomed to be a bad mom with kids who dreamed of running away to find a better mom: a mom who wore aprons while baking perfectly moist cupcakes and spoke in a soothing tone at all times.

Finally, I did what I should have done all along...I prayed for God to help me find my "perfect parenting style."

This is what He has shown me:

1. There isn't one. Nope!

2. Kids and life refuse to follow a pattern to be mastered. Each moment, each stage and each child you have will differ from the last so there can never be a "one size fits all" method.

3. Prepare but know you won't always be prepared. I discuss what I expect with my children, let them know what will happen if they don't behave and then follow through with my preplanned punishment if needed. That being said, there are times when nothing could prepare me for what the day brings. So, we have to learn to pray without ceasing, follow what we know in our hearts about our children and handle each situation as it comes our way.

4. Don't be afraid to be yourself as a parent. We are going to be raising children for years to come so that's way too long to try to force yourself into a parenting style that isn't you. And that brings me to my favorite thing I've learned....

5. If God wanted your child to be raised like "so and so" is raising their children, He would have given your child to "so and so." Take that in for a second!

Chosen by God

God chose you to parent your child for a reason. You are the best equipped person to raise them into who He wants them to be. That means that with Him you can do it and do it well.

I'm not saying we shouldn't read parenting books or try to improve. Raising children is the toughest most important job we can ever have. It's a huge responsibility that warrants us putting forth our best efforts, but it is okay to make mistakes. We are going to mess up from time to time and so are our kids.

I think the most important thing to remember is to keep the lines of communication with our kids open and keep praying.

A Blog about a Frog!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."  John 10:10

Today was like many other summer days; we spent the morning on a project (cleaning out closets) and the afternoon rewarding ourselves with a swim at my parent's house. I highly recommend having a friend or relative with a pool close by. Anyway, before swimming the kids always check the pool strainer for frogs to be rescued. I'm not sure if it's the chemicals or just not having solid ground for a little r&r, but frogs don't last long in the strainer. 

Today, Gracie encountered a stubborn little frog that just refused to be helped. As soon as she would lift him from the pool and place him in the safety of the grass, he'd jump right back into the pool again. Knowing the fate of so many other pool frogs before him, Gracie was devastated. She kept saying, "I'm trying to save you, frog. I'm trying to help you."  

Hearing her concern, I thought of the one who saved me. How hurt He must be when, after being saved, we return to the life He died to rescue us from. That life may feel as familiar as cold water to a frog but God has something better for us. 

What this frog couldn't see is that my parents have a beautiful lake just a few jumps away. He was settling for the toxic, man-made pool that was never intended for him when, all the while, there was something better. 

In John 10:10, God says He came not just to give us life but an abundant life. But, we'll never see that abundant life if we jump back into a life that's toxic for us. It may be scary to take a leap of faith when the lake is nowhere in view, but it’s worth it. Let's quit settling for the pool and follow God to the lake!

P.S. – Just as we were about to leave for the afternoon, our little froggy friend swam straight to Gracie (seriously) and allowed her to scoop him up and place him in the grass.  He looked determined to stay out of the pool this time.  J

The Beauty of Our Scars

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3

I recently watched an IMAX film about Great White Sharks.  Seeing such mighty predators glide gracefully through the water was mesmerizing.  What I quickly noticed was that each shark was covered in scars from tooth to tail...and yet they were absolutely stunning in their beauty.

The narrator mentioned how these markings, which varied from individual to individual, told what all the shark had experienced and survived.  I began thinking about my own scars and the stories they had to tell.  The 3" gash on the back of my left calf tells of a run-in with a bull at 8 years old, the road rash mark on the inside of my right wrist tells of a daring downhill adventure on a skateboard at 13 (this was back in the day when Christian Slater was "Gleaming the Cube" and hanging on my wall).  Yes, there are times that I'm all dressed up for a special night out with my hubby when I glance the tell-tell signs of a tomboy past and wish I had taken better care of myself.  But most of the time, the scars make me laugh.  Each one comes with a memory and a lesson learned along the way.  They are proof that I have experienced life and survived.

If only it were as easy to see my emotional scars with that same grace.  Sometimes, when God heals us from painful circumstances, a scar remains.  I have often prayed for God to remove all evidence of past hurts and mistakes but I'm starting to understand that even scars have their purpose.  Just like my skateboarding scar has served as a reminder to weigh the probability of survival before launching down a hill, there's a scar on my heart reminding me to let God provide the friendships He desires to bless me with rather than launching into relationships He never intended.  The freckles and sunspots from hours in the great outdoors remind me to cover myself in sunscreen while the spots on my heart remind me to cover myself in the protection that comes with obedience to God's Word. 

Let's try together to start viewing our emotional scars as beautiful testimonies of what we have experienced and survived instead of shameful reminders of mistakes gone by.  Each one a tale to tell and hope of healing to others we meet along the way. 

P.S. - I can't wait to see Jesus' beautiful nail scarred hands.  Now there's scars that tell an amazing story worth sharing!

8 Things You and I have in Common

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Psalm 139:14

  

One unexpected blessing I've benefited from as a result of blogging is the heart-sharing emails and Facebook messages I've received.  I cherish and save each one!  Time and time again, I'm struck with a common thought....we are all so much more alike than we realize.  As women, we have the same worries, insecurities, doubts, fears and struggles.  I often want to pass along the wisdom shared with me through these messages so we can all benefit.  While I would never betray the trust of those who have opened their lives to me, I have compiled a list of what I have learned.  I wish I could write these in the hearts of every woman (including myself) because I think life would be so much easier if we all lived like we knew them.  And honestly, I think we know them somewhere in the back of our minds, but often that knowledge gets buried beneath the rubble of lies the enemy bombards us with on a daily basis.

Here goes:

#1 The prettiest, skinniest, most well-dressed, silky-haired, perfectly made-up woman in your town has insecurities about her appearance. 

#2  None of us married a perfect Prince Charming.  I hope and pray that we never make a habit of talking negatively about our husbands but remember:  just because people choose to focus on the romantic, thoughtful and good daddy moments doesn't mean their husbands don't do things worthy of a good thump to the ear every once in a while.  Even Prince Charming started out as a frog, mind you!

#3 The most well-organized, calendar yielding woman in the universe has forgotten a piano lesson, lunch date or school snack...and the world kept spinning! 

#4 The strongest, most devoted Christian woman you can think of still struggles, still has issues she's yet to overcome and still fights doubt and fear daily.  A couple of years ago, I was able to attend a Beth Moore conference with a wonderful group of women from our church.  Of all the truths shared that weekend, what has stuck with me most is the fact that beautiful, well-loved, famous, deep in the Word, Beth Moore shared that she struggles with insecurities so deep that if she wasn't able to turn them over to God in prayer, it would be impossible for her to even walk out on stage. 

#5 Every good mama feels like a horrible mama sometimes.  Maybe your 3 year old pitched an Oscar-worthy fit in front of a gawking crowd at Publix (again), your precious little girl was "mean" to a friend at recess and of course you got a phone call, or your teenager made a horrible choice you somehow blame yourself for.  Or maybe in a moment of weakness, you say (or shout) something you're sure your children will never get over.  Believe me, it happens to all of us.

#6  Even Martha Stewart has a cobweb behind her bed and if she had little ones, you'd better believe there would be a random french-fry or nugget under the seat of her mini-van. Your kids will never remember you once went three weeks without dusting but they will never forget all the time you spent playing with them instead of dusting!

#7  Everyone is disliked by someone.  I am not good at being disliked and have made myself near crazy trying to earn the approval of someone that I didn't even like to begin with.  Shhhh, don't tell anyone I said that!

#8 It will all be okay!  Maybe not today, but it will be.  God says so!

I'm thankful for each of you, my beautiful sisters!